Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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