I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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