I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
