I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
