I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I checked into jail on foursquare
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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