i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize