My entire life is one complicated drinking game
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
