it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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