I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
