I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize