I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
i believe in u and ur pee
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