My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
