all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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