I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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