i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
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