last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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