I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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