you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
