hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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