The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
