I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
