Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i was born a porn star she said
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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