Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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