The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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