ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
