Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
