So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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