3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
