I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
