And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize