Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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