why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
