she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize