Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
