My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
