I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
