So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
