You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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