I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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