We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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