I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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