If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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