Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
