What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
