yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
