My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
where are my pants?
in the oven.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
