New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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