oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
