i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize