Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
