guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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