I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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