please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
