im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
