her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
do nipples grow back?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
