yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
