So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
