my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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