Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
