Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
