You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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