Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize