I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
