I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
