So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
