More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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