There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
