Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I smell like Dick and happiness
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
