So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
