Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize