Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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