garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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