I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm too high and old for this...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
