90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She told me I should be a condom model.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
