problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
