So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I think i got beer on your cat.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
