Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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