They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
