See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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