I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
