Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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