thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
