when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
