best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
