Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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