She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm both gender and math confused
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
