No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
