So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
