oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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