Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
