That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
