I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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