I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
