I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
high people should be assigned attendants
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
