Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
