if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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