Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize