gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
