You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
